the light

it’s been such a long time

February 10, 2010 on 10:05 am UTC | By rian | No Comments

okay so

everything is meaningful you fool!

“you’ll forget about me after i’ve been gone”

it’s a boston lyric. i used to think about it constantly when i moved to san francisco. i was worried about my girlfriend (now EX) forgetting about me. of course she did. integral person that she is. i mean a person full of integrity. but yeah what more can you expect from someone aged not more than 30, 25, 20. i think she was 21. still too young. me myself? well even though it makes me sound like a huge douchebag, or maybe even worse than that i think i was mature enough (despite me being aged 22 years) to handle a serious long distance relationship. hey! i was trying to live my life. i was trying to make a future.

i am still trying to make a future. i am still trying to trail-blaze. of course you don’t even fucking know. and it could make me sound like even bigger of a douchebag but i don’t think you even understand how. but that’s okay. i am still trying to trail-blaze i am still trying to make a future.

i am still here. trying. i am still here doing. getting there. and i think this is exactly where i thought i would at this point in my life. as for you, i do not know what you wanted where you wanted to be. and i think you still don’t know. does it matter what i thought, what i think? nonononono.

nono.

it does not matter.

anyway i love memories. i love past hopes. i love current situations. i love it i love it, i love it. i love the power that is in my own hands. i love it. the power that is in my own hands. do you even know?? do you even understand it? i do not think you do. i can envision it, see it. i see it. i see.

okay sorry masturbated for a second.

anyway,

i haven’t posted for some time now. what is new with me? well, i do a lot more impersonations these days! i love impersonations. it’s one of the greatest things to do. to capture a person in a voice. it’s so fun. what else is fun? knowing a person. kissing is fun.

what else?

i am not so depressed as i used to be. i guess that is apparent by the decreased frequency of posts in this blog. sometimes i wonder if i should just stop. i don’t think i will. believe it or not this blog is not as vain as other blogs. it’s just words. i don’t delve into all the stupid adventures of my life like other people do. it’s just internal thoughts and internal struggles. those will continue, forever. even when i die.

by the way, do you ever think about death? it’s really scary. suddenly ending. suddenly never seeing tomorrow, no more possibilities, rotting into the ground. i think about it. years and years and years, i am not fully okay with it but the more that i think about the more that i think an after life must exist. i hope that you have thought about death and the afterlife. it’s not just crazy voodoo. the light means something in this context too.

congratulations if you’ve made it this far. by the other way, have you ever seen shin-chan?