the light

i don’t love anyone

November 7, 2009 on 6:37 am UTC | By rian | 1 Comment

hi

so does this really not happen to anyone else? one day all of a sudden everything kind of changes. not everything really just the way i see everything. where before there was a void now there is an abundance. but more than an abundance. and what’s really important? question of my lifetime. well. i know the things that are important but i worry that once I place importance on them it’ll all lose meaning. doesn’t this happen to you? once I start to pay attention to the things I think should be important, suddenly it loses all meaning.

lots of people they seem so static, in a trance. sometimes I feel like i’m in this dreadful trance, forgetting what’s important to me. that’s what losing meaning is, forgetting. losing touch. vision.

it’s a feeling, what can I say? it’s a human lifetime, what can I say? it’s your future, their future, it all loses meaning, what can I say? it’s a game of enjoyment, optimization. could you understand?

so. right and wrong. you know, good guys. bad guys. nice, mean. seems childish now, short sighted. children and their fantasies. constantly ascribing meaning to everything while nothing means everything to everyone around you. how is it supposed to work, I wonder, in a world where nothing means anything to everyone?

good, evil. confusion is evil. knowledge is good. at least this is what i have seen. i hate to be evil I hate to feel evil and to understand the difficulty of being good. what good is being good if everyone is just optimizing for their own well being. when my heart is hardened. what vision? touch? vision.