the light

i don’t understand why

November 2, 2009 on 7:21 pm UTC | By rian | No Comments

i am so local. i live very locally. i know things very locally. locally in time, space. the only two spaces i’m able to move through. i think i move through. i can only know that i move through space. do i move in any other manner? is there only moving?

you don’t understand me. well i don’t understand you. and i don’t understand you either. or you. or you. or you. only sometime later on will i suddenly understand why you acted the way you did, when i’m acting the way you did. i immediately feel stupid for everything i said. adults are stupid, they act very stupidly. very local, so rigid. but children are also very stupid, they do things without knowing what they are doing. adults do things as if they know everything. so hey let’s aspire to the place where you can do something with just a bit of faith and just a bit of knowledge. because you think about things, because you have an open mind.

people are always looking. there was a short time in my life when i didn’t feel like i was looking for anything. if i were standing up i was standing up and if i were sitting down i was sitting down, at peace at all times. i didn’t feel like i wasn’t doing enough and i didn’t feel like i was doing too much. that was nice. balance is nice.

now i’m looking for meaning. meaning is the reason you do things. because i can’t just do things. at least i can’t pretend that i don’t exist for a purpose.