the light

why is a good question

do you ever get that feeling like “where the fuck do i go from here?”

yes, tell me about it!

how important

why?

“why?” is a good question.

answer? answers?

here is a fact. i should be sleeping right now. actually lately, contrary to everything i’d myself expect, i’ve been falling asleep a lot earlier. i like it. i’m under the general impression that more sleep is a good thing.

there are so many “general impressions” in my life as to what is good and what is bad. and when the possibility of the general impression not being met is considered, then i wonder how important really is meeting the general impression. how bad is it really to defect? i wonder. exploring space must be some kind of human instinct. maybe only if you think about it that way. how many different ways are there to interpret reality, real life. so many. will says there are degrees to good and bad. i agree, in a way. degrees are for managing the emotions of people, wrangling the cats. in the end it’s really only yes or no, or long sequences of yes and no.

i love sharing with people. i really do. i love to explain myself but sometimes i really love knowing the things that only i really know. i’m the only expert at myself. that’s comforting but who knows? maybe that will blow up in my face one day. anything is possible.

and so what if anything is actually possible? do you continue on freely with life if that is the case or do you make every decision considering how it changes the conditional probability of future events. i don’t really know the answer. different philosophies, ways of life, ways of thinking about life, real life. i don’t know.

i think transparency is important. so important. i’m not perfect. i don’t claim to be. it’s funny how people are. it’s painfully obvious that no one really has their shit together. people at the top rely on many layers of people at the bottom. so i wonder who are we trying to fool? maybe just ourselves. maybe. or maybe having our shit together makes it easier for people to hand over power. it’s like people who have a deceivingly large number of twitter followers. you just look stupid in text. stupid trying. but don’t worry! looking stupid is natural, it’s normal, it’s liberating. everyone knows how smart you are anyway. you can speak clearly and manipulate things with your hands. seems pretty clever to me. you seem like a work of art to me. god’s art. but humans don’t have much confidence in themselves, in their hands, in their ability to communicate. let’s give it up to someone on earth who can.

you were right

it’s funny.

it’s funny how eventually i am always admitting how right you were. i was wrong, you were right. always the same story in the end. i wonder why that is, or maybe i only notice it when i am wrong.

but this time when i say “you” i actually don’t mean a specific person. it’s the collective “you”. all of you. the world vs. rian hunter. sometimes it’s even god. he’s actually never wrong.

of course there are times when i already know i’m wrong. when i don’t get to reap the sweet relief of humility, just the ongoing stupidity of being wrong.

it takes a while.