the light

figured it out?

hey life

thanks.

thanks for all the neat curve-balls.

it keeps me on my toes, it really does.

but there is something just a tiny bit sick about always being on your toes.

i just want to catch all of them.

it’s in my nature. it’s simple.

anyway

really, thanks.

i figured it out

there are just a lot of private emotions going on inside of me right now.

takes time~~

i completely hate the fact that i have absolutely nothing good to write.

i’ve tried like four times.

i can’t figure out what’s missing.

signals telepathy

a long time ago i wrote about telepathy. i feel it again. i love it. i love it. and is it telepathy? or is it all subtle cues? highly complex mammalian body language. permeates space. hi.

i really suck at talking on the phone now. no, seriously, i’m like the most boring person to talk to on the phone. i used to be the best person. i used to love talking on the phone. i’m so much more impatient now though. what’s the point of even having a conversation on the phone? for what, to what? i don’t think you can even call them conversations. what about the eye contact? and body language? you really get to see what’s going on with a person with those things. you shouldn’t hold it against them though.

i only say that because sometimes i can be IMMENSELY awkward. i have a good force to fight it but sometimes people are just so awkward to me it’s hard to fight it. i don’t know how many times i’ve said it but i fucking hate awkward people. they ruin everything. there is an even bigger problem though. it’s just not realistic to expect grown adults of different backgrounds and lifestyles to communicate effectively. it’s just so lame. like think about how you feel when you’re searching for middle ground. this is what i think “oh fuck am i really trying to start a conversation right now? this sucks.” and it really does suck. i’m not saying it’s pointless. lots of good things have needed jump starts to get them going but i’ve been through so many weak jump starts.

now i can sleep.

this blog is not a replacement for staying in touch

this blog is for my future children. so if they’re ever curious about the things their dad used to think about and how he thought it’s here.

so please, please. stop using it as a replacement for staying in touch. i’m still alive, i’m still here. you should talk to me. you should email me. you should take the first step.

i haven’t been writing so much because i haven’t had very much free time to think about random things lately. free time is so important. but there are levels to it. there is free time from work, and there is free time from yourself. free time from myself is the hardest kind to achieve. why is it so hard? why? i put way too much pressure on myself. it really sucks. i have to stop. i’m going to try and stop or at least figure out something that will work long term. so i can be happy long term.

but really

i just wasn’t feeling it tonight.