the light

can i just say this?

people who are insecure with themselves pretty much need to get over it. you’re ruining it for the rest of us. yes i said it.

yalnbp

cute cute cute cute she is so cute SO cute she is SO sweet and my heart. what about my heart? i wonder what people thought this feeling was before this idea of a heart came about. it’s wonderful, this idea of a heart. having a heart. using your heart. being guided by your heart. it’s a wonderful idea.

this past week has been so mundane. i feel like my mind is maturing a little. i feel a tiny bit more self-aware and aware of my surroundings. becoming self-aware is a really cool feeling, in a tiny way it’s related to self-confidence. i also feel like self-confidence is really only relative to other people. i guess it’s the folly of a young hopeful mind to overestimate the people around you. it’s good when you start to see things in not such an intimidating way. it’s good to take control, stand on your own feet and make your own decisions.

you know what else is good? to be open, honest and comfortable with other people. to be calm thoughtful and understanding. and the best thing is to talk to someone and spontaneously start to laugh with. how much more comfortable could two people be together? she is SO cute.

i love to laugh. laugh at almost everything. i try not to laugh when it’s inappropriate but i love people who never think it’s inappropriate. i love people who know that when i laugh i’m not laughing at them. i love those people. come into my life and come laugh with me. lol i know that sounds weird.

actually lately i’ve been laughing at the most random times. even times that i would have least expected myself to laugh. there i go, so out and so loud.

really tired now. i want to say that things are good with me. i want to keep things simple and i want to stay aware and relaxed. i just wish i could be near the people i love. like my fiancee, ruri.

tu mi delirio

Si pudiera expresarte cómo es inmenso
En el fondo de mi corazón mi amor por ti
Este amor delirante que abraza mi alma
Es pasión que atormenta mi corazón

Siempre tu estás conmigo con mi tristeza
Estás en mi alegría y en mi sufrir
Porque en ti se encierra toda mi vida
Si no estoy contigo mi bien, no soy feliz

Es mi amor delirio estar contigo
Pero soy dichosa porque me quieres también

Siempre tu estás conmigo con mi tristeza
Estás en mi alegría y en mi sufrir
Porque en ti se encierra toda mi vida
Si no estoy contigo mi bien, no soy feliz

Es mi amor delirio estar contigo
Pero soy dichosa porque me quieres también

the internet is only psuedo-private

i think people should always and forever be entitled to their anonymity when they use the internet, or the web, or aim. it seems that everyone uses gmail these days? my haven’t the times changed. also, why ever make your own cool web page when you can just decorate your myspace profile. myspace r u srs? the internet will be a great thing when people write ai that can transmit and understand arbitrary intstructions. an invisible breathing machine.

everything is extremely symbolic. i look around and i see messages wherever i go. am i the only person who thinks you can find exaggerated inspiration from the meaning of things? i think i must be. i know it doesn’t really make sense. i love poetry though. whose poetry?

space time warp !!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

holy crap i knew that space time warp was coming and the entirety of space-time wouldn’t make sense anymore! i knew it so badly. so am i psychic? nooooo here are some possible theories: one, i make my own predictions happen what a strange way to live your life. two, i am psychic in that i can predict the future because my brain processes reality in the background and can figure out what is going to happen next. omg. three, an alien from yongsir 15 gave me this power to prevent another alien race from taking over earth. are there more possibilities? yes many many more.

charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm charm you’ve got charm. charm charm charm. people with charm are the new hotness. ohshoot.

i wanted to write a list of my favorite things this weekend. should i???? probably.

1. watching that movie “cop busters” with gb. recording myself spilling apple juice.
2. carrie’s vomiting joke
3. doing the peace sign as often as i remembered (>1).
4. opening my eyes and seeing amanda.
5. adding the lightning strike sound to rurik’s home ambience system.
6. talking about everything with matea
7. meeting ryan again
8. me james and matt. jokes, playing kirby, recursive dinner
9. the actual recursive dinner, where my wildest dreams came true. again.
10. harold being super friendly and charming when i first saw him.

lol i think i would probably keep going until about one hundred things. it’s funny! it’s so so funny. also really really sad. i sing a couple of songs to myself. do you do that? to the face i love. misty roses. if i believed in love forever i’d forget the past cause you’re just too lovely not to try.

when you’re young, what past? no past. no history. when you get old so many past. so much good times passed. not all the good times yet.

deep sharp symbolism: her half eaten lollipop.

i’m so drujnk

sit on my lap
i’ll type for you
rub my back
what are you writing
i do not love him
happy everyone is happy
touch them
eat my biscotti
eat it cuz you’re skinny
you’re my freind
you deserve to feel it
have you seen my dad
no
skinny and beautiful
i never get to moisturize that
part of my back
what if he came in anyway?
you’re just my friend
just my friend
:)
i’m going to sleep
i hate you
that’s what you’re saying

sigh sigh sigh

why am i a big sigh

why why am i this big big sigh

big large deep large breath large deep sigh

why am i dumb big sigh

too good to last

but too lovely not to try

if i believe in love forever

to the face i loveeeeeeeeeee

doooo oooooo oooo ooooo

to the fa ee ace i love.

valentine’s day

where are you going?

oh i don’t know, somewhere, anywhere

…

i’m a, how would you say it? party girl

party girl? does that mean you like to party?

yeah sorta

i give up

i wish i could live through life flawlessly. fucking up sucks. feeling like you’ve fucked up, ugh it’s horrible. when i think about it, it’s not all what i’ve done. a lot of it is what has been done to me. catching yourself thinking a certain way, being a certain way, being unnecessarily cautious and paranoid. i feel like it makes it so easy to fuck up, to recreate a previously traumatic situation. over and over and over again. the question is how many times?

aside from neverendingly being loud and obnoxious, i am doing great :P