the light

are you black?

the space faces are playing little kresge, along with the johnson/fleder sub-trio amazing sensational!!

in fact, i loveeee the word sensational! you are sensational! that movie was so sensationalist!! i’ve got this friend, he’s soooo sensationalist!

just examples of how you can incorporate sensationalism and sensationalist expressions in your everyday life

this week has been nuts. my life is so intertwined with nature. nature was rainy earlier this week and my life was just as bad, or good depending on how much you like rainy days. but who cares about that when i have some highlights some beautiful highlights:

1. i am now the proud owner of a beautiful sounding jvc boombox from the 1980’s
2. i have a potential thesis topic / supervisor!!
3. the space faces are playing little kresge omggg
4. all my emotional mess is out the window
5. i’ve taken the first steps to my re-transition to myself. sorry, hard to describe.
6. i should be getting a nice new hoodie soonish
7. and a haircut!!!
8. i am addicted to the kings of convenience and air, plz stop me!! no don’t!!

sadly, games are over :( i was half planning on playing the last game but the not playing half ended up winning. oops. i guess there is always next year!

anyway i need an idea for an interactive graphics application that i can code up in about 2-3 days. anyone have any ideas? it’s for my final project in computer graphics. here are some of my ideas:

1. rigid body physics simulation environment, you would be able to add new objects on the fly. not rly that interested in doing this.
2. some type of graphical file system interface.
3. a dynamically updating visualization of the code you may be happening to write (in python, maybe a call graph, control flow graph)
4. something like http://rian.mit.edu/~rian/rurik.jar except more options, the ability to add objects, and in 3d.
5. your idea here?

a game would be fun too except that coming up with actually good games is a very hard task. if it wasn’t a good game i would have no motivation to do it.

dugan says i talk/blog like solange knowles

ALSO MURIEL’S WEDDING IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER SRSLY

i only have one thing to say

i love rian. the end.

to touch, stroke, etc., lightly, as if in affection

two weeks till the end of term. can you believe it. i’m glad we had this blog the entire time. i’m glad that at one point we were posting more than once per day. that was in kind september, innocent september.

anyway here it comes, the end of november. i know i’ve written this before. november has always been my favorite month. in miami the the sky is usually clear and the breeze is incredibly refreshing. those were the cereal feet in the pool mornings of my childhood. i always think back to that to remember when it felt good to be alive.

don’t get me wrong it still feels good to be alive. but when you are young you can just be alive. you don’t have to worry about managing your time. working on school enough, seeing your friends enough, knowing how you want to spend your time a week at a time or even a day at a time. it’s much more annoying when you are older and there there are points when you are like what. the. fuck. am. i. even. doing. that is basically like everyday. sometimes i look in the mirror and think about the things i say and the things i do and i think who. the. fuck. am. i. what. am. i. even. doing. am. i. just. fooling. myself.

now at twenty one in cambridge massachusetts in this little space next to the charles river, i walk up and down this massive complex along with many other people just like me. confused just like me. dealing with the same things in different ways. just like me. scared of what i am becoming or what is happening. just like me. november is still my favorite month. i feel better listening to soft music in my room. sometimes when i am doing homework i just listen and hum to soft music trying to stay close to who i’ve always wanted to be. soft. honest. humble. hard. to. maintain.

i guess there are periods when i let myself slip. let myself be concerned with myself begin to hurt the people around me. hard to maintain. hard. to. balance. i can’t remember the last time my emotional life was so fucked up. i know it wasn’t that long ago. maybe the last two times i’ve broken up with kate my emotional life was fucked up. maybe over the summer when things were confusing my emotional life was fucked up. complacency is a quality that is hard to have just enough. there were points in my younger life when all i wanted was to be complacent, i guess that is manifesting itself now through the older me. the much more reckless the much less aware older me. the much stupider older me.

i used to sit in my room and play guitar for hours. i used to stare outside my window and wonder why i loved the trees swaying in the wind so much. i used to stare outside my window and watch the trees swaying in the wind so much. people have called me disgusting before and people have made me feel bad about myself. and then in the end somehow someone will find a way to place all the blame on you. that is life. so fair. so true. so just. so right. one day try becoming what you hate the most. look in the mirror notice your hair is long you hate that you are what you hate the most you are on the virge of losing the only thing you love.

so fair. so true. so just. so right.

being humbled is my favorite feeling. learning my lesson makes me feel great. not pushing listening absorbing seeing feeling understanding, mirroring. everyone gets too old for lessons some people are still not old enough. maybe you can understand. there are a lot of things that eventually we’ll all understand.

i’ve forgotten about god. at the end when you all alone there is still god. so fair. so true. so just. so right. that is hard to remember. science will kill your religion. skeptics will kill your religion. conspirators will kill your religion. if your religion is a large part of what you are don’t listen to these things. no one knows better than you. no one knows what goes on between you and your god. anyway the truth will set you free but sometimes people are just tired of your bullshit. in the end there is still god!

i am so vague. people sometimes ask me why i am so vague. it’s not about being vague. i’ve always thoughts the best points were subtle. maybe i just mean the best things in general. when i read books the best points are the ones i abstract myself. the subtle ones that others usually can’t see. the points that i can’t really argue to anyone else and don’t care to either. it’s the romantic private feeling that only i can see. i guess that is exclusive. some people don’t like exclusivity. some people are insecure. i always like it when people are open about what they see. how they see things. i always like it when by chance someone happens to describe seeing something i’ve seen before. i always like it.

there is only one person i feel like spending my time with now. her name is kate and i love her.

happy december, lovers! i am sure heaven’s soft breeze will caress your rosy cheeks once again.

ppk here we come

damn, right when i get the hang of this blog, fadika and i have to start writing a fake blog. well, i guess it will be a real blog, it will just have fake intentions. but i can’t elaborate any more or we’ll get caught. i’ve already said too much.

stefan from the captains of english sent me 3 albums of theirs today to add to the one i already had. i’m really grateful. that band is so good sometimes it’s hard to live. i love it when people make amazing music and share it with other people who are making amazing music and communities of amazing musicians grow. my ultimate dream would be to go on tour with the captains of english. there, i said it. maybe some day it will happen.

megafauna

thanks to the joint efforts of kyrstin and gb for coming up with such a badass album title. anyway, the first official space faces album is finally done and available right here.

i’ve been talking about jesus a lot lately. i think a number of people are beginning to think i’m a zealot. but just to set the record straight, the only thing i have zeal for is how awesome and fascinating the bible is from a literary and historical perspective. not that i have anything against religion. and we all know theology goes better with pizza.

and let me just say that having wireless speakers totally rules. it has changed my life.

something new

haha omg the readers of this blog are so oblivious. to what? my real real life. everything is so private though. i don’t know if revealing things like that is crossing the line between blog and livejournal.

all i can rly say is that life has been so extreme lately. extreme as in everything has been coming in extremes. extreme happiness extreme confusion extreme sadness. but things are kind of different now.

i don’t know. everything was confusing. i was feeling very low. i definitely lost most if not all of my motivation to do anything. i didn’t realize how badly i was being affected by my own confusion. questions like what do i want what don’t i want what will i miss what will i need what won’t i have what will always be there? those questions are just so taxing on the soul. or the heart. is there a difference even

people have been so kind to me too. that is really assuring. i feel like everyone has just been so helpful through all of it. anyway here is a list of my friends for no reason:

• kyrstin omg i love kyrstin
• barry you and rurik suck at gltron
• rurik you suck at gltron
• clifton when you aren’t being ridiculously funny or offensive you are so happy go lucky
• kate i love you
• dugan omg i love you sorry i stopped halfway through space faces
• helene you had the best possible party ever omg i loved it
• lauren you don’t even read this
• mike give me back leopard / you write on this blog
• matt you also don’t read this blog but you are very good at the zen of matt yesss
• julia sorry for being awkward yesterday
• praveen you are the shit son
• marcus i keep forgetting
• amanda you are seriously one of my favorites if not favorite
• tim november games is awesome
• jennifer you can hear EVERYTHING that comes from my room

srsly i think at this point in my laziness and procrastination that list could go on forever. i would put more ppl there but i have to really help rurik test these wireless cards.

love love love

shy guys on stilts II

what ever happened to shy guys on stilts II?

also you might be wondering about this layout. like, wtf is this layout? hello kitty? i’m pretty sure that everyone thinks it’s bad.

the story of this layout goes back to either monday or tuesday night. i was coming back from games and i was looking through wordpress themes for some reason. i guess i was tired of the one we had before. wasn’t it boring??? i rly thought it was.

i saw this and i thought i actually liked it. i do in fact actually like it. i especially like the underlines to things. they look rly neat. i don’t like the fixed width or the small font though. whatever, i’ll change it when someone suggests something better.

live your life!

now that i love you

so i was looking at my old solo project’s myspace music page. haha i loved my style. i srsly think i could have started a music revolution.

but space faces will. haha hopefully. i mean i don’t even care about starting revolutions anymore. just doing good things is enough for me. just having nice friends going nice places and doing nice work is enough for me now. maybe i’ve gotten soft. who knows, i still believe in everyone conspiracy so whatever.

listen to my old music, can you tell me what you think?

finally

finally wednesday

all i’ve been doing is waiting for today but of course now that i’m here i have no idea what to do with myself.

so many bad things have happened in the past week.

but c’est la vie. everyone is still healthy.

lately all i can listen to is bossa nova from the sixties. joão gilberto, antonio carlos jobim, jorge ben, astrud gilberto, stan getz. it’s all so romantic. i really feel like it was such a cool, romantic and not superficial time. so much unlike now.

this post is mostly about computers

wtf monday where did the weekend go? wtf

happy november!! srsly my favorite month of the year. it’s only a tradition. november is the chill time before christmas and rly cold weather. november is the blue sky and the cool breeze over your face. november is the leaves fallin and the sweaters aboundin. i <3 november.

but i am pretty sure i already listed all those things before. maybe like two blog posts down.anyway wtf did the weekend go. oh yeah with november comes games. that made me break a couple of promises. two to be exact. sorry :(

so do you rly care what i did this weekend? the best day was thursday. saturday was fun too i guess. friday was a mess, probably for others too. sunday was just like any other sunday. i srsly hate these typical wknds.

this weekend also was a time for me to transition operating systems on my mac. with the coming of leopard i felt that my computer was becoming obsolete fast (dual g5 tower). mostly because i knew that eventually apple (and prolly the whole industry) would stop supporting my computer. my fault rly, i bought the g5 to be a radical. to bring risc computing into the forefront of consumer electronics. i was young then, when i cared about superficial things like computing architecture and operating systems. way better things have been done and already ignored and forgotten, that’s why i don’t care anymore.

at heart though i am still a radical because there is one good cause left that the casual computer user can subscribe to and that cause is free software (does not mean warez lolz). and let’s just say that i’ve been a free software supporter since i’ve been able to impregnate women.

so seeing how linux has saved me where windows had forsaken me in the past, i decided to install debian on my g5. i can tell you right now that i was very very very pleased. i got debian testing working pretty well (even the open source opengl drivers for my ati card were working!!) except for sleeping, flash and java. i rly needed java because all my homework is in java. for the record, i actually did get java working but not eclipse. although i think i could have (if i used their install rather than the debian package). also there are probably ZERO commercial games written for linux ppc and no cedega to save me.

for these small reasons and the fact that i already run debian on my laptop, i decided to abandon my ppc linux endeavor and just install leopard. maybe one day when i have another computer for entertainment, and no longer need this one to watch youtube videos i’ll switch. or maybe when apple no longer supports my hardware.

also for what it’s worth i think linux/keyboard/console/emacs is much more productive than using gui/buttonclicks/exposé. certainly much more extensible and less distracting and much much better if you want to learn exactly how C/Assembly/your processor works.

the end. using free software is a philosophical and ethical endeavor and has little to do with any kind of superiority except spiritual superiority. i can use my computer in peace knowing that the software it runs on is available in source form to anyone who wants to learn how it works. a win for humankind! viva la free software!! everyone else can suck a cunt.